It's a Colourful life I'm living.

"May Every Song Be Your Favorite Tune".

April 15, 2009 Y 2:00 PM

**I am not leaving youtube, atleast not yet. I've just considered it recently. You'll know if I leave youtube- most likely from a final video, but I'm still going back and forth with it.

Y 12:22 AM

Hey Everyone-

So I know I haven't made a video in a little more than a month; I've had a lot on my mind. When I first started YouTube, I never knew I would end up with over 4,000 awesome subscribers. i really never thought I'd become so "popular", or find something I enjoy so much. The whoel community I've found, it's almost lieka family. Anyone else who isn't in this community would surely call me crazy for considering people I've "met" over the internet as family, but in all honesty, my life has been affected in a such a great way by this. I've met the most amazing people ever, who will forever stay with me. it's become more thatn just hauls, reviews, and tutorials; it's become a part of me.

I apprecaite all the support I've received. i'm so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing friends, and my loving family. My mom and dad have always taught me that as long as I'm doing what I love, then they'll be happy for me. You're on this world to please no one but yourself- and it's only been recently that I've come to this realization that I should do what I do for myself, and no one else. And that is why I haven't made a youtube video in so long, it's becoming something not for myself but for other people.

I never really knew I would effect so many people. I don't think I was ever prepared for that. I receive many messages daily from girls & guys all over the world that look to me for help; whether it's beauty or personal questions of their own. For complete strangers to look to me for support, help and as a role model- It's almost too much to take in. For many, making makeup videos is just something they over look, but for me...It's turned into a lot more.

Francesca, Lauren, Sarah, AJ, Shyan, Ariel, Steffi, (Loulud), Elena, Savannah, WicketyyyWaaack :P, Molly, Maral- I can't even name everyone tht I've gorwn so close to from this experience. That what it has become for me, Youtube has become an experience. And every experience must come to a close.

This doesn't mean I'm quitting Youtube, but I've considered this for a while. There's many reaons towards my swaying decision, some I'd rather not share. After Francesca (coconutty222- francescabellax3) left Youtube...just today, It hit me how much of an impact she had on me. And it's funny because we live on oppostie ends of the country, yet she's in some ways influenced my life.

I don't regret Youtube. I don't regret people finding out about my videos. I don't regret doing what I love. I don't regret who I am. This is me, and all I can give.

I'm self conscious, sensitive, caring, stress freak yet care free at times...and more...and I've finally started to fill the gap where I don't care anymore about what others are like and what I'm not.

I love you all, and I promise I'll keep you guys updated. I just needed to let my mind go on...

Love means never having to say your sorry